Orbs

I left my god father this morning and drove up to Indian Wells to have a Cobb salad and play a round of golf. I hit twelve over par. One of the members even drove his cart over and told me to stop throwing my clubs in the air. I was very gracious with him. Then I had a Mahi Mahi Burrito and drove out to meet this girl who sees orbs. Apparently it all started happening four years ago when several thousand of them lined up in front of her and phased through her chest. She told me that she crapped her pants and then got dumped by her boyfriend. Everyone thought she was mad. For a year her family made her take one test after another until they ran out of ideas and checked her into a clinic and let her rot. But the doctors said she was fine. There was nothing wrong with her. For another two years she spent her days and nights in complete fear and finally, boredom. Apparently orbs were everywhere. Then she found this couple who’ve known about them for years, who just premiered this film called The Veil is Lifting. Who live in this community who call them in with flutes and cosmic limbo dancing and then take photos of them every Sunday after a pot luck. Their view is that certain people are simply beginning to see other dimensions superimposed upon this one. And all at the same time. They had this big presentation and a slide show at the Palm Springs Conference Centre which has a capacity of about four thousand. They showed the film and then had one person after another come up on stage and tell their story. Outside a bunch of hippies in sandals and tie-dyed t-shirts sold crystals and essential oils. I bought some hermetic deodorant and got a photo of my auric field. It was very fulfilling. Later on in the evening we went outside and the girl called them in and we all took photos with our cameras. Occasionally the same ones could be seen with different cameras at different angles. Corroboration took place with tedious regularity. The girl was thrilled to now be considered not only sane, but gifted. But the star of the show for me was really the conference centre. It’s this incredibly elegant piece of architecture. Covered in wood and flowing lines and massive, open spaces. It shits on Lincoln Centre. The carpet makes you sea-sick though.

People Unlimited

I arrived in Scottsdale last night to meet a group of people who claim to have found the secret to physical immortality. They live in this huge Adobe Hacienda just outside Arizona. It was very beautiful. The women too. There was this one who I kept checking out who I found out later was in her late seventies. It was weird. Because if I’d stayed more than a day I probably would have gone there. When we arrived they’d prepared us this lavish dinner and then explained in detail precisely what it is they do. It was interesting. They said that the only reason the body doesn’t continue to live indefinitely is because it becomes so filled with toxins that all the energy it would otherwise use rejuvenating itself is simply spent fighting them off. They said the toxins were only ever one of three kinds – physical, emotional or psychological. And that the most damaging, the most traumatic, were the emotional. And that they come from only one thing. The term they used was ‘toxic relationships’. Basically the ones in which we fight with those we love. Parents, siblings, lovers. They said that fighting with someone you love is the quickest way to destroy the bodies ability to rejuvenate itself. They said it’s the fastest way to die.